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Saturday, March 25th, 2006
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6:11 pm - The kids on the other block are so much cooler....
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Ok between all these web sites,..I can only keep up with a few,..so I've moved all my blog (GOD I HATE THAT TERM) all my "online journal" stuff.. to myspace (not that I don't like LJ, it's jut that I'm already THERE all the time so...) http://www.myspace.com/29264897
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| Friday, February 17th, 2006
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3:57 pm - V.Day?!....that's a helluva thing..
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OK,..so I completely forgot that Valentines day even happened.
THIS is how bad it is,..I staggered home from work and an evening at the bar 2 days after, figured I'd play a little WOW and noticed all the "valentines season" quests were gone. "Hmm I thought wonder what all that is about" and of course then I noticed that it was the 16th.
Now when I'm dating someone (not like I need an excuse, but V.Day is just one more reason) I get INTO it,..it's a celebration.
Too much time alone/underground in a lab/in my headphones though, I hadn't even noticed it come and go.
And so it goes...
current mood:  discontent
current music: Always Something There to Remind Me - Naked Eyes
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| Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
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3:32 pm - Music music music
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Seriously...If I didn't have lots of music in my life I'd have been way dead by now.
I LOVE RUSH,..I love the lyrics, I love the music, I love how accomplished these guys are and it just makes me happy to listen to over and over.
I'm the same way with Marillion (but most of this stuff is in my vocal range so I can actually sing along) so...
There you have it.
current mood:  (me and my prog rock)
current music: Rush, Marillion,...repeat
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| Thursday, January 6th, 2005
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8:12 pm
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9 months with no entry well go figure. Didn't work for like 6 months,..I've gone back to work as opposed to getting my businesses off the ground,..maybe I'll try again when investment dollars aren't as hard to find as virgins. So now I'm just kinda living in limbo,..9 to 5, come home and decompress before going back and doing it all again. Just passing time till I die for now.........aww hell nothings changed!!!! (no I'm not dead)
Well, at least I *LIKE* the new job
I'm working as the IT director at a company that makes, packages, and distributes video games, CD's, Movies, etc.... (Freebies for me YAY!!!)
but so much stuff hasn't panned out that I thought would have by now.
I really liked a girl,..well I thought I did,..and I didn't want to change her, but she needed to change. I can live with self destruction, but when it bleeds over to other people,......that's just rude.
So I'm still alone *beh* the one thing I can do right and I have no one to practice on,..I'm like some mecha supertrain robo monkey but with no tracks or rope swing.....(huh?)
I hate more things than I love,...and that kinda scares me, but not much, and that scares me even more.
Still in limbo,...just with a better view. *le sigh*
current mood: discontent
current music: David Bowie - Thursday's Child
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| Sunday, November 16th, 2003
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11:34 pm - Envery passing minute is a chance to,..........I forget...
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7 months with no entry well go figure. I've gone back to work as opposed to getting my businesses off the ground,..maybe I'll try again when investment dollars aren't as hard to find as virgins. So now I'm just kinda living in limbo,..9 to 5, come home and decompress before going back and doing it all again. Just passing time till I die for now.
current mood:  apathetic
current music: Not even music seems to matter as much...
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| Thursday, April 17th, 2003
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1:36 am - I AM The Lone Prairie Dog of the Apocalypse
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Eventually certain things that I try to ignore or banish from my waking thoughts, force their way to the frontal lobe for recognition either fully, or in whisps of thoughts that lead down odd rabbit trails in my thoughts. Drinking and/or meditation seem to be amazing conduits for these thoughts, and yet it seems that when I'm "out of it" in some odd way I make more sense of it all. I don't know if it's the removal or weakening of those mental constructs that keep one's self from contemplating certain things for too long, or if there really is some portion of me that just refuses to "get it" in normal life.
I'm involved in so many projects, and for someone who truly values their "goof off time" (even if alone) this is a weighty situation to be in. Add to that, the fact that between my schemes, businesses, debts, doctors, entertainment, birthdays, holidays, just had to have's and life's unavoidable purchases, I'm rapidly approaching that "Flat broke, have to get a standard 9 to 5 for another year" point in my life.
If my dreams don't wind up coming true till I'm like 80 years old, there won't really be much point now will there?
Still,...I'm breathing on my own and I'm not eating out of a dumpster.
current mood: apathetic
current music: Hole in my shoe - Neil
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| Monday, April 14th, 2003
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11:18 pm - Where,..who,...wha
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I'm still alive,..I'm just setting up a journal type thing on my site, as I'm much more likely to update it all the time if I'm already toying with it and I've tied it into my day to day User Interface
current mood:  geeky
current music: Kraftwerk - Tour de France
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| Saturday, February 22nd, 2003
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1:45 am - You spend the money that my love is printed on...
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I was listening to Marillions Man of a thousand faces today and in one of those odd life reflecting moments the song was about me alone.
Well I speak to machines with the voice of humanity
Speak to the wise with the voice of insanity
Speak to the present in the past and future tense
Speak to a slave with the voice of obedience
Speak to a woman with the fatal charm of a snake
Forgive like a giver and account for all I take
Speak like a leader with the voice of power and command
And when I talk to God I know he'll understand
Cause I'm the man of a thousand faces
But hey,..I've got an ego,..look at my last rant on my site ;)
Spirits of fog poured up from the snowy ground today, visibility down to nil, I walked around my yard and house and wondered at it all. My parents were so proud of their first house, and yet for me it's just a place. I guess thats the difference between house and home. Still, it's odd..
I've had an odd few days. I got hit on several times by women that I wanted nothing to do with, and yet my friends that "know how lonely I am" seemed crushed that I didn't "settle" for any woman that expressed an interest in me. I mean, I'll date anyone once just to test the waters, but girls looking to "hook up" do nothing for me. The whole singles scene needs a niche for intelligent people who have even the most basic of moral values.
One of these women was the "I went out with the most attractive guy I could find, thinking I could fix his other problems, he told me he loved me, that made everything he did to me fine, now I've got a child and I'm separated/divorced, and now I need a nice loyal honest guy to take care of me"
When she heard I owned several companies she was all over me, as I explained that none of these companies had come to fruition, and that I was living on a shoestring budget, she became more crestfallen.
I mean,...If I like a girl,..I really don't care if she has money or not, I dated a girl for a while that was (for all intensive purposes) homeless when we met, and I've dated a girl who was "permanently well off" and I can't say I cared either way.
The other one was the "I'm looking to get laid, and you look like the most desperate guy in the house." type. I mean I may be lonely, but I've still got a brain. I wouldn't go out with anyone right now that I wouldn't have gone out with 6 months ago. I guess I don't get *Desperate* I'm just get sad that every second that goes by is one more second I will not have spent with "the girl" once I've found her.
So if it's in the future sometime and I'm dating the perfect girl she can read this and know how much I miss her (even though I haven't met her yet) How's that for cheesy? ;)
I met up with an old friend from college that I missed horribly,..we were best friends and then time and distance just split us up, and now I'm looking to re-incorporate him into my life, and luckily he was *really* pleased to see me again.
Now I go to sing, record, rewrind, resing, re-record, repeat..
current mood:  confused
current music: Marillion - Man of a thousand faces
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| Friday, February 14th, 2003
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8:03 pm - V-Day
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I thought I'd be depressed today but then I sat down and had a good long think (as one tends to do on such occasions) and I realized something quite amazing.
I've only known 1 girl in the past 6 years who actually *deserves* me as a boyfriend.
Now that may seem a bit conceited, but lets just think about it. I'm a Intelligent, Hopeless romantic. The idea that someone could cheat on, or lie to someone that they love is a totally foreign concept to me. I'm the ultimate communicator in a relationship, and though I've had 2 major relationships that didn't work out, I've learned all I need to prevent all the mistakes I've made in the past, and had time to put forethought into why things could go wrong.
I'm honest, loyal, witty, wise, intelligent, kind caring, funny, good looking (in a Drew Carry kinda way) and I value my relationships above all other things.
Seriously,....I'll be lucky if I can find anyone that even remotely deserves to have someone as great as I am around.
Still I *AM* taking applications, so just send a pic and a resume to..........
current mood:  indescribable
current music: Modern English - I melt with you
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| Thursday, February 6th, 2003
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12:38 am - The roller coaster ride of the week!
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Time,..yesterday
Phonecall:
My Accountant: The government is auditing you and is filing charges against you for tax evasion.
Me: Fu,..Fu,..Fuck!?
Him: I'm coming to your office tomorrow, have all your paperwork ready for every one of the businesses you're involved in and we'll see how much damage control we can do.
Fast forward to Today:
Him: Wow,..you have *ALL* your records from your taxes and all your businesses!
Me: Uh,..yeah I thought that's the way you were supposed to run a business?
Him: Yes but *YOUR* paperwork is correct, and the governments is off by about $2K in your favor. Money I never even would have thought to credit to you if they hadn't threatened action.
Me: So I'm *not* going to jail?
Him: No,.I get to go tell the IRS to fuck themselves on your behalf, *AND* I'm going to make them pay you the money they owe you.
Later that day Water Heater goes 100% out (it was inevitable) go web shopping, find water heater I want, call store for availability, they say they have 4 on hand, I go in and they have none, but want to sell me one that's $40 more (bait n switch). I need a water heater bad, so I pay it and take it home,...get it into the basement, and rip the box open only to discover that they've given me the wrong water heater. (even after I wrote down the model number for them) Go back to store, drop of water heater,..go to different store for different water heater (practice for tomorrows gig) then try installing heater with aid of 2 friends. 5 hours later it's finally up and running and now that it's had time to heat the water,..I'm off for a shower.
-Cheers
current mood:  exhausted
current music: Michael Hedges - A Love Bizarre
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| Sunday, February 2nd, 2003
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3:26 am - Antoher day another......aw piss....
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Hey what do you know,..I was right,..I do hurt today. (see when I'm out of it I do make sense of it)
Add to my shitty morning the loss of Columbia, and a flashback to the Challenger Tragedy (my generations "Kennedy Assassination")
Like how my day turns out matters in comparison to that, but hey, my baseline for discussion is me.
Being stretched in so many directions with my finances is REALLY hitting home this month,..I may actually have to stop being "work whenever I want" entreprenuer guy and get a 9 to 5 job. *sigh*
Cinderella Search Update: Year 4 Day 53 Score 0 YTD - (1 miss)
current mood:  cynical
current music: The Pretenders - Maybe Tomorrow
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| Saturday, February 1st, 2003
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2:18 am - Pthbthbttt!
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Started thinking too much,..had to make it stop.
Tired,..Baileys, ice, baileys, frangelico, baileys ameretto, baileys, amatillado, Chambord
I feel pretty numb and thick - good.
Tomorrow is going to hurt I bet.
current mood:  drunk
current music: Marillion - Warm Wet Circles
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| Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
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7:04 pm - Crushed :)
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Inspiration struck....cest le vie
I've learned to hobble my heart
in deference to losing someone like her
forcing myself to relive the pain of losing her
an episode I've lived through with a different cast
I do it every day, for an hour or two, my primetime
beating my heart with a pole, to keep me from pulling
too hard on this little chain staked to the ground
infatuations come and crash their tidal waves against this toy boat in the reef,
pure pleasure and excitement, then loss
because everything in between is where the pain begins
new potential loves like cards in a deck
potential hands never played
but folded to save the chips of my soul
or called to see my bluff
My embers spark and glow
then dwindle now, with each miss
rather than burn bright and be extinguished
rather than burn with no fuel
and so I tried, in my own stupid way
to find the heart, of the tight packed rose.
Theres a mood lifter eh? :)
I'm oddly giddy, and I don't know why.
current mood:  crushed
current music: The B-52's Cosmic Thing - Follow your bliss
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| Monday, January 27th, 2003
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4:25 am - Work done,..sleep now
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Web page updated,...now for the long crawl to bed.....
current mood: exhausted
current music: The Outfield - Should Have Been Me
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| Thursday, January 23rd, 2003
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12:31 am - Normalizing...
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Well....
I was still eager to take on the world today, but normality returned a bit in the guise of "bad luck". In my opinion, anything I can count on to appear in almost any situation has nothing to do with "luck" that's just life sucking.
Nonetheless I will press on, I feel that if nothing else my 2 day good streak has given me enough momentum to make it to the weekend,..though I still feel that I'm on the cusp of something....
Odd
Ah well, time has a way of revealing these things.
Cinderella Search Update - Year 4 day 41 - Score 0
current mood:  contemplative
current music: The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again
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| Wednesday, January 22nd, 2003
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12:16 am - Another day...!
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Well,..another day passed where everything I did felt *right*.
I don't mind anyone knowing,..this is scaring the shit out of me, I've *NEVER* had suck a complete lack of misery, despair, and agony in my life. The huge rushing hole where that part of my life usually hangs out at, now has a waterfall that's scented like a forest. I have this horrible dread (though colored whimsical by my mood) of anticlimax,.. much like waking from a good dream to realize who I am, when this goes away, it's going to hurt a lot.
Nonetheless,...I'm tired from all the moving, yet I still manage to get things done, and knock items off my life's "to do" list.
If my luck keeps up like this some cute nerd-girl is just going to walk up to me and ask *me* out ^.^
(well here's hoping anyway)
So we'll see if I can go for 3 tomorrow :)
current mood:  productive
current music: The Cutting Crew - I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight
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| Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
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3:48 am - t...i...re.........d
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moving all day, heavy heavy,..sleep now hurt tomorrow.
current mood:  tired
current music: Echo and the Bunnymen - Sugar Kisses
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| Monday, January 20th, 2003
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2:43 am - Moving moving moving
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This weekend I braved the elements and helped my brother transfer the contents of his old house to his new house, and much fun was had by all. Now this week I'm moving all the stuff from my old office space to a new one, the old office is growing 23 types of molds and wreaking havoc on my lungs and sinuses. Our new office is still within 5 minutes of my house (hoorah!) and it is MUCH cleaner, albeit smaller. This won't be a problem as we have 4 rooms in our office right now we don't use at all.
For some reason that is completely unknown to me, I have this odd "I can take on the world and win!" feeling. It could be the cumulation of several events (new gig lined up, new office, some new clients etc..) I dunno. My water heater is definitely on it's last legs, it's pissing a steady stream of water (luckily my basement drains into a sump pump, and the trickle is small) still, I think tomorrow is a trip to Sears Hardware to get a new water heater *sigh* right at time that I *didn't* need to be spending more money. Oh the joys of home ownership :)
Finished the strip early tonight so no staying up till 5am getting it ready.
Oh,..and I absolutely fucking LOVE Echo and the Bunnymen
(just in case you wondered)
Ah well,..off to bed,..lets see what tomorrow has in store for me eh?
current mood:  determined
current music: Echo and the Bunnymen - Seven Seas
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| Saturday, January 18th, 2003
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4:00 am - I think I'll go on a killing spree...
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I'll start with the fates, then on to cupid, that John Edwards guy (I owe Mat Stone a favor), Every Executive at Clearchannel, Time/Warner/AOL, that old lady from the Old Navy Commercials, Martin Lawrence, Axl Rose, and then all those people who told me growing up that good things happen to good people and that love conquers all.
Yeah,..that should just about do it.
30 years is a little too long to wait to find out everything you ever believed in at the core of your being is pretty much wrong.
I'm not whining about my life,...I'm just angry at myself for not realizing the fatal flaws in my world views and philosophy earlier.
Allow me to share:
A. Love does not conquer all, in fact in the grand scheme of things, unless it's reciprocal, it doesn't count for anything.
B. No intelligent people want war or violence, and we all pretty much just want to get along and not have any trouble.
C. At least 80% of the world are far below what I would consider the lowest possible criteria to be considered intelligent. The percentage of "intelligent world leaders" and their aids, is even lower, as politics largely cater to the less morally stable, or intelligent people anyway. The few intelligent people who are there to "make a difference" are vastly outnumbered and crushed by the opposition.
D. Aside from Books, there is no good form of media anymore. The insipid marketing mentality of the 80% saturates all other forms of media bar none.
E. Except for what I talk about below, life is balanced, you don't notice it, but it's true. Think of all the horrible things that have happened to you, then think of all the good things, and the bullets you've dodged and you start to see it. Unfortunately,..most of the time the highs and the lows cancel each other out and you're left with mediocrity.
F. We all have a challenge in life, there is one major thing that you have to overcome to balance the happiness scales in your favor, (just think about it for a second and you'll probably know what yours is) Whatever it is,..it's horrible, it sucks, and you don't want to deal with it.
G. Good role models and hero's are a thing of the past. Except in the rarest of cases, the role models that our kids have today are either illiterate, immoral (in the bad way), prefabricated, or beyond stupid (more of the 80%ers)The message these people send is often worse than their own lackings can account for.
Ah well,..enough of my anger,..I'll go to bed and try to sort it all out tomorrow,..or the next day.
current mood:  angry
current music: Psychofunklepuss - Sally
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| Wednesday, January 15th, 2003
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9:32 am - A guy walks into a bar....
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and then rubs his head and says,.."Who put that fucking bar there?!"
Early morning 6am wakeup for a "networking group" darkness and haze, cold and pain. How people can give a shit about anything that doesn't involve sex, fire, or music at 6am is entirely beyond me. After a hearty *push* from the nectar of the gods with it's caffeine magic, I'm at least be able to fake being a "really interested professional".
It's cold out,..but really sunny. I hate that,..I either want it light and warm or dark and cold. I don't enjoy mixed atmospheric metaphors much.
I think I may sit down and transcribe more of my writings into digital form tonight. It's a daunting task methinks (as I look at the 2 foot high pile of paper on my desk),..but I REALLY want to get all of it backed up on DVD lest some fire/flood/wrath of god type stuff destroy it all. I've only got about 10% committed to memory, so It would really suck if they bit the big one, but that will wait.
Several business calls to go on today, I have to go work at getting the Mortgage Company wheels spinning, and go de-hack a LAN that's been infiltrated by some n00b hacker who's setting up remote connections on all the machines at a customer site. Tendrils reaching out in an awkward attempt to leech information that isn't even there coupled with attempts to set backdoors in place for whenever they call some "IT guy" to come help. This guy really has no finesse, at all, the image of a square peg being hammered into a round hole comes to mind (I TOLD them they should invest in a basic firewall *le sigh*)
Still,..more billable hours for me I guess. And maybe I'll throw a few little programs of my own back at our little friend. (especially as he's been kind enough to leave a telnet *and* an FTP connection open.) *evil grin* Maybe it's going to be a good day after all :)
current mood:  devious
current music: DEVO - The girl you want
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